All alone in a plastic environment

We all know someone in this situation. Its time to stand by the ones we care for.

All alone in a plastic environment sometimes it feels as if the world is closing in. Nothing makes sense, nothing comes together. It seems as if all the forces are conspiring to bring a whole bunch of negative aspects and the harder the struggle seems to be, the longer it seems to last. When you think you've reached rock bottom, the ground collapses, and next thing its quicksand all round.

Don't even feel like smiling, inside you feel like dying. Deep down you feel like giving up, because this world don't make no sense.

A nonchalant approach to every situation because there's no hope for a tomorrow - let alone a brighter one. Live just to live, survive just to survive.

No-one knows your pain. No-one understands. They all say "its ok", and you wonder "Do i look retarded? Don't patronize me." Everyone pretending they understand, because they knew a cousin who had a sister who had a best friend whose brother's dog's former owner's brother's best friend went through the same. Was it really similar? Do they really understand. Do they really know whats going. Do they really care????

Sometimes living in a world like this is really hard if you don't comply. Really bad if you don't conform. Especially if you trying to make a difference. They say stand there and don't complain. Gotta take it that's what it is.

No matter what you take on, no mater what you do, no matter how hard you try, change seems impossible. The forces are against you. No-one believes in you. No-one?

Hold on. Look around - there's always a reason.
My heart's been broke for a while. Yours is the only one keeping me alive.

A Story told in so many stories : edited version

It's musical - thats what it is. You'd have to understand to understand, cuz if you dont understand, then you wont understand. An open mind helps. Prejudice dosen't help. Google might come in handy. Urban dictionary probably more than should be needed. Banter, banter, banter, subliminal shots, sarcasm,

The standards set were too high - unattainable and unrealistic some complained - out of this world some said - foolish and stupid they said - naivety was the conclusion. Or was it just a fear of the possibility of achievement of set standards and therefore a non-conforming mindset - OUTCAST?hmmm??

#nowplaying Tupac - Unconditional Love

"its hard to live this life without God, so we must ask for forgiveness"

i believe - I know some are shocked cuz I dont go on about it - but yep - staunch Catholic here..

"perhaps its just a fantasy"

like U2 sang "stuck in a moment, that you cant get out of"..and not necessarily because you cant get out of it - but because it is the best moment you have ever experienced and you dont want to get out of it...

"You must remember that tomorrow comes after the dark"

For you will always be in my heart. It's Unconditional Love. Sometimes it seems as if it cant possibly get any worse - and it does - and then it seems like its the end of the world...until that lil glimmer of light shines through the crack..like a rose growing from a crack in the concrete..

"Eternally my mission is to be more than just a rap musician"

brings back that whole catch 22 notion - nothing ever turns out how we want it to..and we play the cards we're dealt. Cant always get a royal flush now can we. Make the best of the things we have.

#nowplaying "touched The Sky - Dennis Ferrer"

I touched the sky because of you. If she/he makes you feel ike you touched the sky - like Impossible is nothing....she's/he's a keeper..oh, and if "she" loves football, or at least watches it with you..a keeper (lol)..i had to say that..

#nowplaying MeatLoaf - I Would do anything for Love

..but I wont do that..and that's give up...

So my obsession with music continues - from Saosin down to Bob Marley..faithless to Tupac..Kenny G to Scooter..every bit of music made. Why? Because music is the universal language (forget football)...and wherever you go, whatever you do, whoever you meet - they can understand some form of music - so if you cant express yourself - but are musically endowed, then it can make things easier..

Impossible is nothing!

If music be the food of love - play on! If music be the food of LIFE, make more....

music for thought - Just to Be Different - Joe Budden.

What happened to individuality?

It's been a minute. There been changes, encounters, experiences, thoughts, ideas, actions, time wasted - but life goes on.

Anyway - been reading about and came across a few interesting topics on the complexity of humanity. Ok - i made that up lol..just wanted an opening line.

Truth though - life's one complex cycle (yep - it is a cycle - you enter the world in diapers and leave in diapers). The problem is we trying to simplify it ( set rules/conform) and not embrace the complexities as an epic journey of experiences, trials and tribulations - write a book about it encounters - and ultimately the one encounter that defines the rest of our forever - the life changing encounter.

This whole pro (this and that) bullshit is based on a certain trend of conformity, and trying to define existence - making everyone live life through the eyes, opinions and ideas of one "thinker", "King", "philosopher", "writer"..when anyone can sit down, write a book and logically explain their points - with non-existent facts with enough reasonable doublt to make them believable..and who knows. maybe society 120years from now will be based on those principles.

What happened to "we are all different. Every person is unique" blah blah. Are our lives already predefined that we need to follow a certain process/procedure to get to where we need to be? It dont help with society changing and adopting to shallow, dumb and senseless standards.

Of course we want change - but what kind of change. Kerry or Obama change - there's a difference there. Sometimes we need to filter whats acceptable and what trailer trash.

I read a few pro-"women independence" blogs - based on the sole purpose of uttering a few not so positive remarks on today's man. What a bunch of bull. Im sorry to say - but just because you have had bad experiences dudes - probably because of you taste/bad choice/poor standards...- it dont make it right to diss everyone - and yet when you called the B word - its "hell hath no fury like a woman scorned". There's a cool trend on the bad boys/naughty boys - and once the lil gals are done with this and want to settle - they wonder why they keep attracting the same type'o folk. We been watching - and the good folk would rather stay away from the trailer trash that dissed em and ran with the rowdy bunch...cuz twas cool.

What happened to being the one lady who never had to go through a bunch of rowdy lil boys, lost in a world of physical atrocities with no morals..

Ok - Im ranting now..so I'll stop...for now...

Lets promote individuality. You are your own person.

(written in bed of the top of my head so bear wit me - grammar and all :-) )

Be who you are - Respectfully.

Ever realised how everyday we seem to be doing things we are generally expected to do, or by the set rules and conforming to "accepted" standards? My goal in life is to leave a memory-even if it were to last for just an instant-something that no-1 else has done, or do things no-1 else will do, or approach things in a unique way. Failure is a result of following standards set by other people who went out of their way to find what is comfortable for themselves.

Now the sooner we realise that each individual is different, then the sooner we can be able to stop for a second, make our own rules, and live life according to our own set principles. We need to find what is comfortable for ourselves, what makes things easy for YOU. Who says what is appropriate to wear for what occasion, who says what is appropriate to say/do, who says what is the best way to treat any set situation, who says when, how, why, with whom.

Be who you are and say what you feel, because those who matter don't mind - and those who mind don't matter! I am not in this world to live up to other people's expectations, nor do I feel that the world must live up to mine.

Respect is the most important aspect of humanity. If you have respect for someone/something, that'll determine your response/actions towards that element. All we need to make this world a better place is respect. This builds integrity and honesty, and everything else is a by-product.

tj

Do we set ourselves up for failure/disappointment?

"Have you ever fallen for someone out of your league?" "Have you watched The Obama Deception?" "Oh Eminem..." "Chrome Operating System!" "King Lebron - what happened?" "Will this be Liverpool's season?" "This could work." Microsoft bing." "Please let it work." "I'm sorry." These are all words/phrases/questions that have either been passed on to me or have been going through my head in the past few days. Questions, doubts, regrets, hopes, worries, what if's. What If? If only. Damn!

"I am finally coming to accept that I was a temporary inhabitant , there as a favour, like someone who finds himself in a beautiful mansion, eating exquisite food, aware that this is only a party, that the mansion belongs to someone else, that the food was bought by someone else, that the time will come when the lights will go out, the owners will go to bed, the servants will return to their quarters, the door will close, and he'll be out on in the street again, waiting for a taxi or a bus to restore him to the mediocrity of his everyday life...I'm going back, rather part of me is going back to the world where only what we can see, touch and explain makes sense...."

Heron Ryan. Paulo Coelho's "The Witch of Portobello".

Do we set ourselves up for disappointed. Do we guarantee our own disappointments? Day in day out we are faced by situations that need decisions to be made. Expectations to be set.. How do we set ourselves for disappointment, hurt, guarantee our own failure?

Dating :

Date/try and date/fall for someone out of your league and therefore will never see you in the same way, wishful thinking?

Try the long distance thing, believe the long distance thing will work, fall for someone far far away?

Date/Fall for someone of different race/religion, thus different beliefs, constant arguing and fighting, or just wishful thinking?

Goals and Objectives:

Believe Cleveland can win the championship (King Lebron anyone? - remember the Cleveland Curse?)

career choice - take on what we cannot manage, what is beyond our capabilities or what we do not love..all for the love of money or status - save face..pride?

Arsenal or Chelsea win the Champions League (lol - oops, had to take that shot..it was laid on a silver platter)

Standards and Expectation from relationships and friendships

"All you have is yourself. Nobody cares. Nobody. Can't trust no-one dude" - this statement was drilled into me so much if i had no character i'd be more lost than i am now.

Expecting truth honour and honesty from all relationships - apparently that's of a bygone era.

Expecting total commitment - seeing as everyone got pride and is scared of being hurt, there's always some form of holding back.

Unquestioning trust - do we really trust or do we constantly need proof?

Politicians:

have you watched The Obama Deception? he aint no saviour. Disappointed - but this one instance I can say I set myself up..how could i possibly expect him to bring any change..seriously?

The Coalition Goverment in Zimbabwe - like there would be any progress with Mugabe involved..smh

Ahmadinejad - one moment he speaks sense - the next he seems confused..

Movies and Music

The taking of Pelham 123 had Denzel and Travolta - disappointing.

Eminem's Relapse..dude..come on. Enough with the wierd voice..only works with a few tracks.

So do we need to lower our standards..or expectations? Do we need to give up the fight and accept mediocrity as fate - the road we were destined to take.

OR

Do we believe Impossible is nothing and that we create our own destiny. Go through the disappointments and hurt, syke up and get over it, and believe. Fight for it?

Do we dare stop dreaming and quit, give up hope and accept less than our set standards..less than we are willing to give?

tj

The Perpetual Struggle

This was the title of my first "personal" blog. Ended up getting extremely vocal, bulldozing its way through whoever, bashing, arrogance, criticising, analysing, truth speak..well - lets just say there was too much truth, for some, flowing on the bog. SO i closed it, cancelled the blog, and refrained from blogging for a bit. I had stepped on a few toes and had now given up my "never say die" attitude - caring too much for the thought of others. I was a hypocrite there..trying to please everyone, taking criticism to heart. Now i realize one thing, that I've always known but had suppressed - why go out of your way to please those who, well, wont do the same for you. Why care if they think your "dress sense" is not cool enough, your girl is not pretty enough, you don't go out enough, you're too fat, you're too small, you're a drunk, your boy is not good enough, you need a car, your car is not good enough, now you're just showing off, you think you know too much, you're TOO QUIET..well the list is endless of the constant criticism we all receive day in day out. So why bother, if after you've done all you can to please em, they still find something else to criticise you for. Why accept things that aren't comfortable with you, when by accepting that you are doing nothing but being a phony, a fake, a hypocrite and attracting more criticism towards yourself.

You can please some of the people all of the time and all of the people some of the time, but you can't please all of the people all of the time.

The realisation, or rebirth of this notion has sparked something within me that yearns more and more to be an individual..to be different. I have tried all this time to be different, but there has been times when i have bothered to conform just to make a few people happy/comfortable. But with new friends, old friend resurfacing, new books read..I can safely say i have people who care for me and love and appreciate me for the way i am..and especially for the way I am. I can stand on a pedestal, look uncool to the conforming public, but I know there is people who got my back..and I got theirs as well. Like Lupe said..we're LASERS! Who defined cool? Some will die chasing "The Cool" that is redefined with a new Soulja Boy track, Movado lyrics, JayZ's definition, or G-Unit clothing label. And what does life do-it goes on. How about redefining "the Cool" your own way, accepting that, and then focusing on much more important issues in life like the label on my shirt, or type of shoes i got (yes i know i love Adidas - solely cuz it ain't as cool as NIKE and em, and their "impossible is nothing" slogan lol).

So yes, the struggle does continue. In everyday life there is a perpetual struggle - for acceptance, to be different, change, love, peace...whatever it is you may be focused on and whatever it is you may find important, there is a struggle for that..even if it may seem to be laid on a silver platter (like how hard can it be to be uncool...ummm...REALLY hard trust me). There is struggle against the moral decay of society. The lack of respect to others solely for the fast they're human and they give you their respect. There is the struggle to always be right in whatever situation - look the bigger person.

What comes with the struggle is truth. No matter how many lies can be around..the truth always comes out..and in the end you do know who loves you and who does not. Winning the struggle comes in accepting mistakes and showing love and appreciation to those who respect, appreciate and love us. Realising that one conversation, no matter what the circumstances or distance - could be an eye opener, you could be inspired..and you could meet people who bound to stay and make a difference, or who are there to make a difference and disappear, closed doors could be reopened...a lot of change. it is all for a reason, and we should be thankful. Life gives for a reason and takes for a reason. Appreciate what you have, don't complain too much cuz the struggle will never stop.

So my past blog, The Perpetual Struggle, has been removed from the databases and can never resurface, but i have a new platform to speak my mind. I have found re-discovered my reason, my goals, who I wanna be, and who I want around me. And for that, I have people to thank. I reach out to you and hope you hear me, understand me, and understand the love and respect that has grown. So thank you for the difference you've made, and I hope you're here to stay.

tj